Is the Grass Really Greener?

Life presents us with many options, especially when it relates to people and the complexities of attraction (the term attractive is subjective, denoting something different to all of us). Nonetheless, according to Desmond Morris' studies of human behaviour (link: www.desmond-morris.com) humans are commonly attracted to attributes such as facial symmetry, a strong gene pool, and of course, sexual prowess.

Although it may be human nature to be attracted to objects of beauty in various shapes, colours, or forms, it does not suggest that we act on our impulses and/or desires in the attempt to make them our novelties. What makes people feel the need or desire to go elsewhere especially when they are already involved in a relationship that is so comfortably good? The the answer is quite simple: it is a behavioural phenomenon that is intrinsic to human nature - as is our strive for perfection - in that we desire those things that we do not have. For example, people with curly hair want straight hair.

As a hopeless romantic I strongly believe in both exclusivity and monogamy. That being said, I would like to see more marriages work, and, for couples to be able to rave about the strength and longevity of their unions. Furthermore, I believe that two people in love should co-exist in a virtual bubble, creating an impenetrable wall to prevent intruders and wannabe contaminators from entering. There is something quite calming about being in a relationship with that special someone who has seen you at your odious worst; who provides you with the three legs of support (i.e. physical, emotional, and spiritual); who provides you with the reassurance that they will be with you in the good times and the bad; and, who embraces all that you are - somewhere between the person you are and the person you want to be.

This is not to say that all relationships must work. Most of us have been in sex-driven relationships that, like sticks of dynamite once ignited, fizzle out, leaving nothing more than a realization that a true relationship was non-existent. Nevertheless, for some this is all what they want or need.

For those who want, entering into, or already involved in a forward-looking and mutually amicable relationship, it would be wise to avoid confusing vulnerability and complacency of one-self with unhappiness. This is often the case when a couple are living together, someone will feel apprehensive and/or anxious about letting their guard down, afraid that it might expose their true nature and perhaps their deepest and darkest secrets. Consequently, that person may progressively feel even more guarded and edgy....eventually evoking negative feelings (e.g. anger or resentment) for their significant other.

There is an old maxim that I am sure most of you have heard, "better the Devil you know than the Devil you don't know". Unless you met your significant other on false pre-tenses or you have reached the limits of your sanity being with that person, try to validate your feelings by communicating with love and compassion, and every now and again, reminisce about what qualities attracted you to him/her rather than looking for a new field to play on. With this approach, at least you will only be presented with your current relationship issues (most often times, easily resolved) and not a basket of new, unknown issues, that you could be facing in a new relationship.

Focus on what 'is' rather than on what 'is not'.

"...you know when you've found it, that's something I've learned, because you feel it when its taken away"

Lyrics from the song Amie by Damien Rice